I received a comment on one of my previous posts on how to deal with the incompetence of a colleague. This got me thinking and following on from the previous post about significance and size the question open the door to a discussion that will lead into the rest of the posts.
In the “reply” on the comment I mentioned that there can possibly be three reasons why we see incompetence as an adversity and that is that our performance is dependant on the other person; that it threatens the expectations of the workplace, whether it be quality, safety, sales etc. and that we find it personally annoying.
I would like to start with a description of an adversity. An adversity is a deviation from the expected or from the norm, whether that is societal/personal norms or what we experience as normal. We experience this deviation as being negative. A sudden cold front in the middle of summer is abnormal and most people will experience it as an adversity to a more or lesser extent. Adversities may be dramatic or chronic or somewhere in between. The dramatic adversities are usually things like storms, floods, fires, bankruptcy, divorce, death, accidents; the chronic adversities are things like the current economic crises that will take time to resolve, chronic illness, poverty, poor relationships etc. The two are sometimes not mutually exclusive – a period of poor financial results can lead to bankruptcy, poor relationships to divorce. The coping that we do is different however in these cases and this will be explored in a future post.
Please bear in mind that the opposite of an adversity is probably an opportunity and it takes as much resilience to sustain and “conquer” an opportunity as it does to master an adversity. The feelings accompanying the opportunity is completely different but the roller-coaster ride is the same.
So, the million-dollar-question remains; why do you see the event as an adversity and why does it tap your resilience?
Back to the previous post – is it really such a big deal or has it personal significance to me? The personal significance, is it fundamental i.e. beliefs, values, culture or is it just my hot buttons? Am I for instance car mad and although I cannot comprehend that someone can ignore the newest and best gadgets in cars, I must admit that it is my thing and if someone wants to ride an old jalopy it is his business. On the other hand this event may trigger aspects that are very dear to me, my beliefs, culture and values and it will be difficult for me to live with this adversity.
On the graph of the previous post, on the personal significance axis we now have to ask ourselves: “What is the significance to me; why is it so important; can I see it another way?”
The books (loving what is, Who would you be without your story) and website (www.thework.com) of Byron Katie has some very useful insights and worksheets in this regard. Her website is a good place to start; although it does not give the whole theory, as explained in the books, it does offer articles and worksheets that will help you “get into it” quickly. Keep an open mind, we are so inclined to attribute our experience of the adversity to the size of the adversity and not to the significance we place on it.
It is quite easy to see where differences in a relationship can start that can lead to arguments, resentment, etc. The same disaster happens to a couple i. e. the car breaks down, to one partner it is a disappointment and he or she knows it will cost something but it is a hiccup; to the other partner spending money is a problem and the breakdown is a disaster not in so far as the car is concerned, but what it will cost. While one partner is arranging alternative transport, the other is in frenzy and virtually incapacitated worrying about the money. Now just imagine the first partner saying to the second; ”You know this breakdown may be a warning sign, we must start thinking about and saving for a new car.” The second partner now has the added worry according to him or her of the cost of a new car on top of paying for the breakdown!
This is normal; we all have our own storeroom of significant things, what is important is to become aware of it, acknowledge it and deal with it on an ongoing bias. Simple questions such as: “Is this really such a big deal? Is my fear running away with me?” can help to restore balance. In this regard the work of Byron Katie mentioned above can help. Partners of course must become aware of, acknowledge and respect one another’s “significances” and collaborate to find solutions that will satisfy both parties.
I once had a colleague that was a scuba diving instructor in his spare time and safety was of paramount importance to him for obvious reasons. He was a “difficult” person to work with when it came to safety, but we did have a safe lab! There can be benefits as well as drawbacks in our “sigficances” – it all depends on how we manage them.
In a future post I will explore this topic further.
I suppose your colleague’s incompetence really taps your resilience and challenges your ability to persevere and deliver high quality work. You see your colleague’s incompetence as an adversity. Why? I can think of three reasons why we would, a. our work performance is in some way dependent on the performance of our colleague i e an editor at a magazine or newspaper who has to check the articles of his/her journalists, b) the incompetence impacts negatively on the health, safety, sales quality, service etc of the group that you are part of, c)it irritates you.
Incompetence and the effects of incompetence is sometimes very difficult to expose and one wants to do it in such a way that the incompetent person is not shamed but assisted to become more competent. As I comment I realise that this is actually a huge subject and it may be better to dedicate a blog post to this rather than to scribble a quick answer, thanks again ,you have given me food for thought.
One question though: Why do you see your colleague’s incompetence as an adversity?
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